Those empty, voiceless silent screams

 life calls...
where is life?
i look around and find nothing
just walls, objects and
empty space between me and them...
empty spaces...
harmless, but still empty,
and when something is empty
it evokes an emptyness
sheer nothingness !!

life never calls.
its the nothingness
the subdued emotions
that has no voice at all
but screams at times
those screams are dangerous
coz they are voiceless...
nobody else hears them,
only you hear your own silent screams...
empty, voiceless silent screams :)

Koramangala's sucking Hibiscus !!

I live in Koramangala, a beautiful locality in the south-eastern region of Bangalore. Laden with beautiful tree lined boulevards and marvelous architectural buildings, no points to those who guess why it is one of the most happening places of the city. It is also home to corporate such as Siemens, Wipro, JP Morgan, NDS and many more. Amidst a paradise like landscape, there flows a waste water sewage which collects probably all the good materials of the city and flows into some place quite unknown to me. It releases a fragrance which is quite indescribable in any single word of any available dictionary. On the banks of that drain, there stands an apartment, quite beautiful in terms of architecture and quite costly too. The emotional builders of that apartment named it ‘Hibiscus’ which also happens to be a flower that releases a nice fragrance, quite different from that of the drain. Now, whenever I pass through that building, the scent of the drain fills all my body and soul making me walk as faster as I can. At that point of time, I can do nothing but hurl silent and choicest abuses at the builders of that apartment, failing to understand the rationale behind the name. Recently, I also came to know that Amitabh Bachchan is also planning to construct a star hotel along the banks of that drain and I wonder what the name would be! Will it be Rose International? Will it be Jasmine Residency or will it be Tulip Resorts, only time can say!!

Now, that you're gone...

You were there, always infront of my eyes
now you're gone
my heart was a special place for you,
now you're gone
it's all empty now, there's no love left
which was before, full of it
has become a dark lifeless place
now, that you're gone...

I didn't know why, I never shed a tear,
sad I was, for sure, aghast at myself
saw myself in cross-roads that seemed
to lead nowhere, nowhere at all,
but it wasn't the time to repent
for the heart that kept you so long there
'cause it would have meant nothing,
now that you're gone...

now, i have no opinions, about you,
never tried to have it on anybody
since then, now that you're gone...
this heart is not so adamant,
to think of a possibility, that you can be,
it has accepted, very silently,
you'll never come back, you're gone...
Goodbye!!
Once upon a time who used to be my dear,
Goodbye!! Its time to walk on...
Time to walk on....

Through the Rusty railings of my Flat's window....

Guys! Do let me know how's this poem....wrote it a couple of days back...

Through the rusty railings of my flat's window
I saw her face for the first time
and then I forgot her...
I saw her once again, a few months later
when I was frying omlettes for my customer
and there, something struck me,
and I liked her....
Her dad used to come to my shop, for evening snacks
and she went to tuitions, by my lane, to study maths...
I liked her, then started getting attracted,
and finally I started loving her...
But what could I do?
I was no King Lear, neither was I a rich 'Kane',
and the world was my own small lane,
and I was meant to make samosaas
and omlettes for my customers, all the days...
and life went on and on, years passed,
we all grew older, and one day,
She came to me with a kid, and said,
"Bhaiya, here's my son!! Give him a Pav-Bhaaji
along with a Coco-Cola can...
and I started putting the oil in the pan...

The True Indian Arrows !!

The future of Indian Football is not as bad as it may seem. Though it seems that the team has been underperforming for ages and fans being heavily dissapointed with the team's performance in last year's Asian Cup, very few try to rationalize that the opponents we had in that tournament were simply world-class. India was pitched in the hardest group of all, comprising of giants like Australia (FIFA Ranking 20), South Korea (FIFA Ranking 31) and Bahrain (FIFA Ranking 91) with India being the lowly 145th ranked nation. Yes, they lost all the matches, but the manner in which they played and attacked was really commendable and all the coaches of opposite teams spoke many good things about our team. India managed to score a goal against Australia and South Korea and two goals against Bahrain, which is in itself an outstanding achievement. Enough about the senior boys for the time being.

My main focus of writing this article is not about the senior team but that of the junior guys. Nobody seems to support them, leave aside follow them. But you would be surprised to know about some of the achievements that the team has acheived in the last couple of years! To name a few, in 2007, the Indian Under-16 team went to Germany and defeated the youth Under-16's of three world-class German teams, VfB Stuttgart, 1860 Munich and FC Augsburg by 2-0 margins. If you dont know about them then just google them! The same team, in 2008, went to England and drew with Manchester United Under 16's with 3-3 score!! Isn't it a remarkable achievement? Lately, the team is on a good outstanding form beating the likes of heavyweights as Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Lebanon and is expected to be a force in the future !! Ofcourse, the credit goes to the Youth Coach of India, Mr. Coal Toal who was the ex. academy director at english premier club Tottenham Hotspur, whose constant dedication and motivation has led the team to such advancements !!

But the biggest sulking matter is both AIFF (All India Football Federation) and Indian people themselves. As for AIFF, matters are still worse there, internal politics on a rage and political power instead of Technical Manpower making the decisions and minimal development of infrastructure being undertaken. Coming to the fans, every team needs motivation and encouragement from its own fans to become world class, but if fans dont cheer them up, they may lose interest quickly.

So, my humble request to AIFF to become more serious and to each and every Indian to also take out some time from Cricket for our own "Junior Bhangra Boys" !! 

The Most Wanteds !! A Comical Retake !!

16^th May, Bhubaneswar:  Five masterminds of high profile scams have gone absconding from the Cenderet hostel building today. They are rumoured to be prime suspects of the 5G Scam, CommonVillage Games (CVG) Scam and Gobar Export Scam. Bhendipada Police has opened up the search and investigations and the government has announced that an award of Rs. 1.23 (One rupees and twenty three paise) will be given to those who provide any information about their hideout or last sightings. A bonus of 16P (sixteen paisa) will be given to those who hands them over to Bhendipada Police.

The description of each of these “chindi-chors” is given below:

1.       1. He has no name, but lately being called among his personal circle as “The TCS”. Well built, muscular, temperamental, known to be a big fan of Sallu ’Arrogant Stupid’ Khan and found to be tweeting most of the time. He is one of the mastermind promoters and executors of plans of his gang and  uses his PR skills to mediate between two parties and to strike impossible deals. Hates ‘aaloo parathhas’ and loves mutton n pyaaz (sliced onion) but rumoured to have quit non-vegetarianism (police suspecting, there may be a hand of some girl resulting in such type of behavior).

2.      2. Known as “Gulgulaa”, he looks like a gulgulaa too. Teddy bear like appearance for which he is a favourite among most of his girl-friends. Has an increasing pot-belly, attractive looking, wears specs and known to have two facebook accounts, one real and one fake,  with 70% of the majority of friends as girls. He is widely reputed to be very soft spoken, which combined with his attractive personality, covers up all the heinous plans inside his mind. This is the reason why he has earned a nickname “Manager” by his colleagues and friends. Extremely dangerous, maintain distance from him !!

3.        3.  Known as “Ajaa”, he is the rather soft spoken, less interactive guy. Known to be a hardcore introvert, strict disciplinarian about following daily routines, sleeps when the clock strikes 11 and wakes up at 6 perfect! Origins unknown, rumours vary from him being an Australian to Agra’ian to Sambalpurian and many more. Reports suggest that he is an avid supporter of AC Milan Football Club, so it’s possible, he has escaped to Italy. This speculation also strengthens from the fact that he has managed the said club for hundreds of times in his FIFA 11 game. Police’s warning: Ajaa se na lo pangaa, warna baj jayega tumhara band Baaja !!

4.       4. Heavily popular as “Dada”, he is the seniormost member of the gang, but only by age. Has minimum involvements in the crimes and has the fewest number of cases logded under him than the other members. A prolific powerpoint presenter and work-delegater. So, his task in the gang is limited to delegate various tasks to other members. Known to have a lady love/girlfriend, the fact which his gang members disagree vehemently. Spotted frequently in the library at around any time, so library goers, be aware and be careful !! Known to be an avid Mohun bagan Football Fan and lately has become volatile due to the loss of Leftist power in Bengal.

5.         5.  Most important member of the group, very dangerous and very volatile. Known worldwide as “Gaja” he is widely popular for spreading various rumours and creating tensions. Very volatile in nature and believed to erupt in smallest circumstances and doesn’t fear to fight with anybody. Has unending fake stories about how he terrorized everyone in his college days. There’s a saying that “All rumours starts with and ends at Gaja !!”. But this guy who fakely terrorizes everyone, is being rumoured to be terrorized by a girl whom he cant avoid nor accept..Poor Gaja and that poor girl!! Heartfelt condolences to you both !!

If anybody gets any information about them or their hideout please contact DSP ChinaMan Scientist, Deputy Superintendent of Police, Bhendipada District.

                                                   “Issued for the notice of Public”


(Note: Just a work of fiction, no relation with anybody else. However, if anybody finds any relation of any sense of any character with any person, living or damned, its just the confusions of you and your dirty minds ;) :P )

A Dream, that is going to end soon !!

My tryst with XIMB began when one of my good friends, Tarun suggested me to apply for this course. Though I had decided on joining a job probably at Pune or Gurgaon, yet, just for the sake of giving an exam and seeing whether I am good enough for XIMB or not, I applied, and as luck would have it, within a month, on July 1^st was allotted a dorm-room number 309 in this CENDERET Building (our hostel) and a seat in the Classroom 534 with occasional venturing out to Class Rooms 533, 1 and 5, which are best utilized for sleeping!! On that very first day, while entering the gates of the campus, an incident flashed back to my mind. It was probably two or three months prior to that, in February ’10 when, we had finished our 5^th sem. graduation exams, were drunk, had a car with us and illegally driving through the streets of Bhubaneswar past midnight. Just as we passed the Xavier Square, out of intoxication due to the liquor, my head popped out of the car, looked towards the XIMB sign on top of the new academic building, and my right hand flew up to my head in the process of exaggeratingly giving a salute while I blurted out, “Once in a Life, whatever it may be, a 2 day program or a 2 year one, I am going to be in the XIMB!” My other intoxicated friend Tarun (he gets his high from the charming scent of air only, so no need for him to be on alcohols!) appreciated my meaningless blurt and asserted me that I will !! Maybe, God was speaking from his voice, or, maybe, he was a God sent messenger for me!! Thanks Tarun!!

And so, the XIMB journey began, many things happened during this 1 year, good and bad, I got many new friends, got a wonderful room-mate in Tanmay, who in his taunts, though being a year or two younger than me, taught me a thing or two about dealing with Public Relations, how to be smart while dealing with others and all, but I failed him miserably. I am still that pathetic Soum, by nature, which I always used to be - zero on PR, zero on Communication, undervalued stock. Period. Sorry Tanmay! I know, he will be LHAO (Laughing His Ass Off) reading this post. Aur Sallu Bhai?? Kem Cho? Still, we enjoy irritating each other to the core. Him, blasting all Bollywood new chart topper songs, which I dearly hate (sorry guys! I am not that big an appreciator of Dhoom-dhadaaka waala music like the Sheelas, Munnis and the Dheela Characters ones, gimme the light hearted or the classical ones and I am happy!), and me, blasting horrible and potentially destructive gases just to make him irritated! And he, does get irritated, that too, big time! So, mission successful! And not to forget the missiles of derogatory remarks towards his Salman Khan and my Football!

During this journey, as happens with everybody else, I inherited so many nicknames, so many that I won’t mention any ;) . In fact, I have just lost count of it! Lol ! I don’t know whether these are given to me just out of love and friendship or to make fun and mockery of me. In fact, to speak the truth, I don’t care to want to know. Truth’s always bitter, so better stay away from it. So, I always believe they all love me as I love them! Barter-Give and Take, that’s the way the world works.

Now, coming to a much serious note, in fact, besides all the fun and bore which we experienced here, most important of all, the knowledge and quality  of teaching that I got here, frankly speaking, I had never got in my entire 17 or 18 years of study and had never gathered so much during my past lifetime! Thank You XIMB! Only if my communication skills would have been great enough, I would and I think everyone of us would show the interview our real capability. That’s a grey area till now, but no worries; I am working towards it and am confident!

Now, that we have left just short of one month to conclude, I feel if this was all just a dream which’s gonn’a end soon. But deep down, my heart says, it’s a reality…I and we, have been there and done that! Yeah! Thank You XIMB for everything! You’re our darling!!

I conclude this article with a self designed phrase which has always been my way of life and hope it to remain so – Minimum Resources Maximum Impact! That’s Soum for you guys!! 

Mr. Foolishly Romantic !!

Wrote another poem for you guys !!
Please let me know whether you like it or hate it.. 


Mr. Foolishly Romantic sat by the tree
watching as the leaves fell free
he didn't care if it was due to gravity
just sat there and enjoyed nature's sanity...


He thought 'bout his beautiful days
munching lazily, a packet of Lays
a cat was playing with a dog nearby
someone was playing a flute far-by...


This setting of the scene was just so fine
there's joy to behold from every moment 'o' time
Life is for sure, a nice little rhyme
Mr. Foolishly Romantic listened to a bell's chime
and a cute little boy was singing in the attic,
"Nobody's a fool, everybody's a romantic" !!

The Mathematics of my Love Life !

Wrote a poem a couple of years ago, when I was in my Graduations...
please comment on how it is !!

'Probabilities', I started making
of someone with myself
Life went into 'Progression'
Happiness added in 'Series' in itself...

'Integrated' my love for You
'Differentiated' all my worries
Started playing 'Number Theories'
either you like me or not...

Just became a 'Subset' of you
Made my heart 'Union' with yours
'Intersection' of minds happened next
'Complement' from others, years after years...

After somedays...

Started drifting away in such a 'Deviation'
'Errors' started coming out one after another
such was my 'Perception'...
Then life got caught in such a 'Matrix'
Just became a silly 'Random Variable'...
Situations played such 'Infinite' tricks
My 'Means' were destroyed, and
I just became an unwanted 'Random Sample'...

Worries started coming in 'Annuities'
Compounded itself in 'Compound Interests'
Life's kicked so hard that I started hating
the thing which I loved the most- 'Mathematics'... 

Dating a Butterface !!

Guys ! Just wrote a poem for the heck of it !!
Not to be taken with any offence, its not intended to offend anybody...
Its just a medium to kick away occasional frustrations...hehehe !!

Note: You may be wondering who's a "Butterface"?
Well, a "butterface" is a girl who has a hot body but an ugly face...lol...
so, its like, everything of hers is well, but-her-face !!!

So, here goes the poem....


Life is crazy
take it easy
keep yourself busy
don't be so choosy
if not Katie, then maybe Rosy
hell ! both are 'oh so sexy !
tell me dear, how many things do you hear?
how many people shout in your ear?
how many times you have to swear
not to date that gal who looks like a Bear
but u blank out all the time she comes near !
she's boring, she's shit !! isn't that clear??
but to you, why she's so dear?
slap her in the face, kick her hard, whom do you fear??
but u still, with her, have made some plans
with her, u still like to have a dance
coz, u still think u have a chance??
yes, you still think you have a chance !!

Just one advice, get out of this mess
Get her out'ta ur life, get to some new place,
coz, she's not hot, she's just a butterface !!
Yeah !! she's just a butterface !!

Can Indian Youth do a "Egypt" ?

Since few days, I have been reading about the Arab world anti-government protests. Most particularly the story of Egypt has fascinated me like no one else. This is because it was the fight of the youth, which perhaps has never occurred anywhere ever before,.

Egypt was, since 1970’s, ruled by a tyrannical and corrupt ruler, Mr. Hoshni Mubarak. Reports suggest he had amassed illegal personal wealth of around $40 billion which is near about Bill Gates’s wealth! So, there was this man who was refusing to bulge out from his seat as the premier of the country and gradually going on  looting the citizens.

Then, a girl like us, a 25 year old BBA graduate, Miss Asmaa Mahfouz decided that enough is enough and some action has to be taken. And she adopted the most popular medium of the youth, the ‘Facebook’ as a means of calling out to the youth. She posted a video of her asking all the youth of Egypt to join her in a demonstration against the government on 25^th January. She said those who feel that she, as a girl will get beaten, they should come to the protest to protect her and those who don’t join are the real traitors. The video became viral and a week later, on 25^th Jan., 10000 guys joined her in her protests. The president heard it and out of fear, disconnected the internet. This made the remaining college students very irritated and thus, the next day, on 26^th, the numbers rose from 10000 to 80000! The next day it was around 1,50,000 and the seniors started feeling ashamed seeing only the youth in action and thus, gradually they started joining too. In 1^st Feb., the whole country was revolting and forced Mubarak to resign and flee by 11^th February. Sure, some 100 college going students died a martyr’s death, killed by the brutal heartless police, but Egypt got its deserved independence! Salutes to the youth of Egypt and salutes to the martyrs !!

But the million dollar question is that, is the Indian youth capable of emaluating such acts? Is the Indian youth capable to kill corruption and change the future of India?

I have certain apprehensions! That’s why, I doubt !

The reason on my next post...

Aisi Apni Wife Ho !!

This is not my poem, but i found it so interesting to share it with all of you !! Tell me how is it guys !!

5'5" jiski height ho
chehra jiska bright ho
weight me thoda light ho
umar me difference slight ho
thodi si woh quite ho
toh memorable har ek night ho
aisi apni wife ho !!

Saas ki khidmat jiski khwahish ho
beauty multiplied by twice ho
mom-dad ki choice ho
aisi apni wife ho !!

padosi jab baat kare toh
haath me uske knife ho
dinner candle-light ho
toh delicious har ek bite ho
dono me kabhi na fight ho
milne ke baad dil delight ho
aisi apni wife ho !!

aankhen uski jaise, sunny twilight ho
hothon ko dekh kar lagey, jaise coke-diet ho
jab saari pehen ke nikle, toh kya sight ho
aisi lagey, jaise switzerland ki flight ho
favorite colour white ho
make-up thoda light ho
zulfey dynamite ho
basant me jaise ud rahi koi kite ho
aisi apni wife ho !!

kaash yeh concept 100% right ho
agar aisi apni wife ho
toh kya haseen life ho
baaton mein garmaaish ho
har kisi ki yahi farmaaish ho
kudrat ki bhi aazmaaish ho
defence ki rehaaish ho
kisi ki bhi na look-alike ho
aisi apni wife ho !!
aisi apni wife ho !!

Aankhe karti hai baatey !!

Kehne ko hai doh baatey,
par sun ne ko saari raatey
kehne ki par baat nahin jab
aankhe karti saari baatey...

jo tum kehtey sab hum suntey
kat jaati aisi yeh raatey
hum se na poocho, hum kya kehte
aankhe meri karti saari baatey !!

tumse humko kya hai kehne
chhupi hai mere aankhon me
padh sako toh padh lo humko
jaan logi saari raaz ki baatey
jaan logi kitni pyaar hai tumse
padh sako toh padh lo humko
aankhe meri karti hai baatey !!

How is it ? I know, not good eenough, but i can improve always !!

Jesper ! Our car's still with you !

This Wednesday, Chelsea is having its Champions League tie against FC Copenhagen and there's nothing much remarkable mentioning about it. Just what  drives me to write this article is about a shy young man, in his mid thirties who's going to have some part in this fixture from the Copenhagen side. It's our very own Jesper Gronkjaer, who once strutted his stuffs at Chelsea. There's nothing much particular about him, but I think, the guy's responsible for what Chelsea is today !

A guy who specialises playing on either wings and also as a second striker, "Jespy Gronky" arrived at Chelsea from Ajax in October 2000. He was just a squad player with nothing spectacular to his credentials but sometimes some guys do very simple things which in turn, turn into great things ! It was March of 2003 and Chelsea were financially sick, needed an investor and needed a win against Liverpool to qualify for the Champions League. Meanwhile, a Russian billionaire by the name of Roman Abramovich, was searching to invest in a club that played in the Champions League. So, this guy, our little hero, scored one of his rare goals and Chelsea was in Champions League ! The rest, as they say, is history !!

Those years, Chelsea used to lend new players a Vauxhall or Ford for "transport" uses but players, as they used to gel into the london lifestyle, quickly replaced those with Aston Martins or Lamborghinis. But this guy kept his Vauxhall Astra for the entire four years that he stayed with us. Now, nobody knows whether he was too humble and simple or was lazy enough to visit the Lamborghini showroom just down the block !! It remains a mystery. Someone might ask him to return back the car when he comes back for this Wednesday game, but we think whatever your goal did for us, we let you keep it as a small token of gift !! By the way, how much mileage does it show now? Are roads in Denmark as good as London ? Hehehe... 

This Country, Your Motherland !

Was feeling bored and thus wrote the english translation for "Yeh Jo Desh Hai Tera", my favorite song from my favorite movie Swades...

This country of yours

 which is your motherland

is calling you...

This bond can never be broken...

That scent of the soil

How can you forget?

You may go anywhere

But you’ll come back here

In your new paths, silently

Somebody will be whispering

To your heart, that

This country of yours

 which is your motherland

is calling you...

This bond can never be broken...

Life is saying to you

You’ve got everything,

what else do you need ?

maybe you have all the happiness

but still are far from your home

come back dear, where somebody

thinks of you as her own...

calling you back, is your country

This is that moment

Where there lies hidden

some full eon, a full life

don’t ask why in the road

there comes two ways

you’re the one who’s gonaa

show us the way,

you’re the one who’s gonna tell us

the direction in which this country will go...

This country of yours

 which is your motherland

is calling you...

This bond can never be broken...

Just a 'Somebody' from 'Somewhere' !!

Just check my new poem and say how is it...

It's easier to have dreams but we have to be aware that there are many who have their goals and work hard to achieve them...What chance do we stand infront of them??

Waiting for my chance to break in

this world of dreams and money

i tend to forget that i am just

a dust-bit in this glass of honey

My aims may be big, dreams even bigger

but damn, more deserving than me are many

they work their ass off while I lie lazily

still i think i am just that one and only

to break in this world of dreams and money...

the more the success, even more are failures

the more with hope, even more with lies

this world is dirty and everybody dies

but there's nobody, who from life, shies

everybody works their ass off to win his slice

in this world where everybody snatches from others

i laze here in my bed, with dreams big and clear..

but often I tend to forget I am no King Lear

I am damn ! just a 'Somebody' from 'Somewhere' !!! 

A mere comparision between The Bhagwad Gita and The Holy Bible !

Ponder your mind over this... Do great minds (read authors) think alike?

Excerpt from the Bible: (John 1:1) -
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God."

Excerpt from the Vedas: (Krishna Yajurveda,Kathaka Samhita 12.5, 27.1) -

"Prajapatir vai idam agre asit, Tasya vag dviitiya asit, Vag vai paraman Brahman"
which translates word by word into -

In the beginning was Prajapati (Brahman), With whom was the Word; And the Word was verily Brahman.

and Bhagwad Gita also says, " I am Om, the Word that is God "

Is it brilliance and coinciding of minds or simply verbatim?

What he wanted and what he got !

He had a dream, of studying in England! He just loved the sports-passion in the country and always wanted to be a part of it. But he wasn't rich enough to fund his education there.

He completed his studies in India, his home country, got a regular job and got busy. But the dreams of London and Manchester never deserted him! After six years of working hard and living like a pauper, he had accumulated enough wealth to afford a one year Masters program at Liverpool. It was like a dream come true!

Time went on in a trance and within a month he was at the airport leaving for UK. His parents and some friends had come to see him off...He was feeling ecstatic reliving his dream! Soon he board the plane...

And so, he reached his Wonderland!!

The next day was his first day at the University. He prepared himself well, wore a nice jeans, T-shirt and a pullover, picked up a pen and a notebook and set off to the class...

The first guy whom he met was Brian who greeted him and wished him a nice stay at the campus.

The next one changed his life....

It was Sally who was from Leeds. He saw her looking at him and went on to her and introduced himself. She just stared at her and replied non-chalantly, "Yeah! So, you are this typical Indian guy who shuns all the problems of his own country and runs away to countries like these, hoping to make a successful and happy career ! Aren't you?". He just stood there speechless.

Within ten minutes he felt so uneasy that he came back to his dorm without attending any classes. That night he couldn't sleep. The next day, he was in the Air India flight back to Delhi.

Today, he helps farmers of a particular village of Bihar in availing agricultural subsidies and implementing new methods of farming. He also has a small room in his house in the village where he teaches a few eight year kids, the basics of mathematics and language!

The free-kickin' Story of my Life...

(Pass I Shouted!)

“Pass!” I shouted.

My team-mate ignored me.

“Pass! I’m open!” I shouted again running down the centre of the field.

He ignored me again.

I was getting irritated as he knew I was open, still wasn’t passing the ball.

“Pass the f***ing ball! I am f***ing open!” I shouted in frustration and anger.

Big mistake….

The referee paused the game and sent me off due to abusive language. I headed for an early shower.

Later I heard, my team lost 1-3…

(I was red card'ed)

Everybody ignored me in the dressing room, the coach gave me a cold shoulder. Maybe he didn’t prefer to insult me in-front of my team-mates as I was one of the senior most players. I was going to be 33 the next month.

Everybody left. I silently wore my dress, packed my bags and stuff and was on my way home when I met the coach at the club’s main door.

“What’s happening to you Soum? Where’s your flair? Where’s your skill? Where’s your passion? ” Is it fading away?” saying so, he entered into his car and drove off. I stood there speechless.

(The Coach was Disgusted)

Yes! I am Soumya, 32. I wear the jersey number 8 as a central midfielder when I play for my beloved club Cuttack FC. I am at this club since the beginning of my professional career fourteen years back. Though I had got many lucrative offers to play for much bigger teams, I turned all of them down. I just wanted to play for my team, represent my city, as long as I played football.

(The number 8 of Cuttack FC)

“Is it fading away?” this very thing was echoing in my ears. I just stood there and pondered. Is it really fading away? I had been a good creative midfielder all these years having helped my club winning the league three times in my career. I had won “The Best Midfielder Award” two seasons ago and was constantly being my club’s “Player of the season”.

But this season, I was red-card’ed and sent-off two times in seven matches so far. Neither had I scored nor creating any assists since the start of this 2010 season. My performance was just unacceptable.

Am I really fading away?

Maybe Yes!

Determined as I was, I was not going to give it up and after completion of my suspension, I played the next two games with full gusto, but couldn’t manage a goal or an assist. In the third match, I broke my leg and was out for three months. Three long fu**ing months!

(Injury sucks...)

The initial few weeks of my injury were very hard for me and they made me introspect myself. I wasn’t married, never had a girlfriend, and was staying away from my parents who were leading a happy retired life. Apart from football, I had done nothing and I was nothing!

But my stamina wasn’t letting me play anymore. My body wasn’t letting me to be the player I once used to be.

It was time to take a serious decision. A time to reconsider my future.

At the end of the sixth week of my self-imposed holiday due to injury, I had decided on my future.

I was going to retire.

I let the club know my decision. They didn’t say anything. Just paid me a retirement compensation and nothing more. Nothing for a player who has been at their club since his youth. Nothing for the player who helped them win three titles. Not even a small farewell party.

And so, my playing days were over. The number 8 jersey was no more mine.

I had retired from all forms of football as a player.

Two months after, I am standing here at the beach of Puri letting the waves stride past my legs. Watching the sun set down the sea, I am still unsure about my future.

Since the past few days, I am repeatedly getting dreams at night, of a black suit clad man standing at a field with his hands inside his pocket. I wonder what that dream means!

 Just for the update, I have applied for the “Football Coaching License.” 

(Near the sea beach and my dreams...)