If only I can express myself !

O dear dear ! How can I tell you how much I love you ! If only you could get it ! If only you could sense it, my life would become a lot more easier !

I love you dear! But I can't express my feelings. Coz I can't see shock or pain in your face....no, I can't see it....I am not that much man enough to see pain in my love's face...so, I wait, I wait for me to become "something" and I wait for the time to be right... if only you could sense my feelings and respond to me !!

Yeah, I may appear a little immature at times, but that is only coz of nervousness of being with you... nervousness of doing something stupid that might annoy you... And yes, I can take care of you. I might be having some imperfections, but my love for you is so strong that I will never make you realise them.... all these years have made my love for you strong... What can I say more? 

Hope this post to reach you !!!

Blogging is Fun !!

Blogging is fun !! Believe it !! Just type in anything, doesn’t matter if they make sense or not and then check after a couple of hours….You have visitors from Bhubaneswar, visitors from Delhi, Gurgoan, Mumbai, Ranipet, Tamil Nadu, Bangalore, Kolkata and even visitors from places like Colorado and Minnesota, which  I never visit in my dreams also…!!

But believe me !! It gives a sense of satisfaction and that “High” which even alcohol can’t give ! It gives me an idea that people, whoever they are, wherever they are from, do care, and they care to read my articles and I have some importance !!

 Thank You My Readers !! Your visiting my blog really keeps me going !! Keep visiting !! Thank You !!

Michael Chopra up for India !!!

A couple of years ago I had written an article titled “Michael Chopra, You are nuts !!”. This was in response to his rejection to play for the Indian National Team in 2007 when contacted by the Head Coach Bob Houghton. He was in contention for a berth in the England team and he didn’t want to let it go. Genuine reasons…ehh?

My readers must be wondering who is he ? So, let me clear this point….

Michael Chopra is a 26 year old English footballer who plays for the Championship side Cardiff City. He has some premiership experiences with Newcastle United where he was a youth player and subsequently rose to the first team ranks. He also played for Sunderland in the premiership in 2007-2009. Born to an Indian NRI father, he qualifies to play for India, but only if he has a valid Indian passport with him, and to get the passport, he has to let go of his British citizenship. 

Now, as he has felt he doesn’t stands a bloody fckin’ chance in the English team, he has reiterated his desire to play for India in the upcoming Asian Cup. But to get a passport for him and to induct in the team is not that easy and thus, his playing in the Cup in January 2011 seems bleak. If he would have joined India back in 07, he would have achieved superstar status by now, but he decided otherwise.

If he joins the Indian team, the players would be highly benefitted by a player of his callibre. But, surely he can’t gel up with the team as other  players are not as fast as him.

Whatever may be the result, we Indian fans do hope he quickly gets a valid passport and represent India sooner than later…

Hail India !!!

A Day of Life at XIMB !!

This is a normal daily routine of a guy at XIMB....

XST : XIM Standard Time

8:45 XST: Wake up time...the alarm goes off....
8:48 XST: The alarm which you conveniently ignored earlier ...goes off
again
8:50 XST: You finally wake up
8:51 XST: A quick trip to the loo
8:55 XST: You wake up people...who'r still in a slumber
8:58 XST: You dash to the class.
9:00 XST: If you are lucky you make it to class, JIT (just in time)
9:02 XST: The ones who are not so lucky, make an entry into class, some
would be asked to leave, if you are lucky, you get to attend the
class, but no attendance for u, if you are really really lucky...the
prof is late!!!
9:05 XST: Attendance done...time to doze off in class
9:10 XST: Man when does this class end
10:25 XST: Yawn....oh the class is coming to an end is it???
10:30 XST: Damn c’mon prof....you gotta let us go now
10:31 XST: Hey prof C'MON
10:32 XST: Finally...you're out
10:35 XST: Breakfast time, but you prefer to light a ciggy outside...
10:59 XST: What ?? time for the next class already ??...DAMN
11:00 XST: Class 2...more or less the same as class 1
12:30 XST: Time for lunch..or is it time for another nap...
12:45 XST: Lunch!!!
13:15 XST: Do i have to bathe today???
13:20 XST: Do i really need to bathe...
13:30 XST: ok guess its been days since i last bathed...
13:50 XST: Damn !! another class....what about my nap...
14:00 XST: Class 3..... read what happens in class 1
15:30 XST: Class ends....time for a ciggy...
15:35 XST: You puff ciggy peacefully.....
15:45 XST: Class 4, what a quiz...a surprise quiz....how come the other
section gets to give it in the next class...how come no
"surprise" for them....
15:46 XST: Damn was this ever discussed in class...i can't seem to recall
anything
15:59 XST: Thank god its over...lets hope..everybody got it wrong..that
way..it really doesn't matter..
16:00 XST: Time to sleep again
17:15 XST: Yawwnnnn...oh the class got over is it..
17:16 XST: Snacks time.....
17:30 XST: Time for football...time for tennis...time for badminton....
18:15 XST: Can't i bunk the next class...how about a proxy...
18:36 XST: You make it class...a whole 6 mins late...
19:15 XST: You need to be excused....you take a loo break...you walk out..
19:16 XST: You change your mind ...you don't wanna go back.....plus ...its
time you've been to sandy square...this is the time..when all the
pretty faces turn up ..there..you head to CCD..
19:20 XST: You get an SMS from a frnd in class "Dude ...why aren't you
back yet, prof just announced a surprise quiz.....he's bolted the door"
aaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhh..you just lost 15% of your weightage....damn
damn
damn
20:14 XST: You just realise ...thats its a 6 class day....and today’s the
day..
20:15 XST: What another class....when does all this end..
20:30 XST: You turn up 15 mins late...
21:00 XST: Sir, can we end ...the class now...its been a long day...
21:01 XST: Just a few more mins..son...i promise to end the class 5 mins
earlier...(thats still 40 mins away)
21:30 XST: Sir can we end now puhlllllllease....sure sure....just a few
more mins...
21:45 XST: You start getting up to leave...its time the class ended...
21:46 XST: Just a min son, i know i promised ...we'd end early...but i
gotta explain this....cmon..we'd can start something...new next class
21:50 XST: Finally it ends..
21:51 XST: Thank god the day is over....well is it...
21:52 XST: There's a commotion in the porch area...
21:53 XST: What the hell's happening......WHAT ?? .... assignment ??......FCA
assignment and it NEEDS TO BE SUBMITTED BY 11:59 tonite.....when was
that announced.....there was nothing on the notice board...when you chkd at
8pm...it just got announced.........
21:54 XST: WHAT ABOUT THE DINNER THAT WE HAD PLANNED OUTSIDE...
21:55 XST: You rush to the mess...and finish off dinner.......
22:00 XST: What did i have for dinner anyway......well does it really
matter....you rush to the "wall-mart" and bring back a pack of cigarettes....enuf 

to pump you up the whole nyt !!

22:10 XST: You try and understand what the assignment is all about..
22:15 XST: You ping your grp mates....(thank god...they invented instant
messengers )....Guys get your ass down to my room ASAP..
22:40 XST: Your first grp mate arrives..."Man i buzzed you 20 mins
back..."
Sorry man..i just got your ms"..."What about others"...."Well who
elses there in our grp"
22:41 XST: Oh yeah good question...let me chk...
22:45 XST: Hey class rep....who all did you put in my grp...
22:46 XST: Class reps no where to be found....
23:00 XST: Class reps finally found...hey who all in my grp......the reply
"Chk grp listing on the intranet - The grps were made by prof"
23:05 XST: Damn why didn't i think of that...
23:15 XST: Distress call...you send a msg on the LAN mssnger "My grp
mates...whoever you are....please come to my Room ASAP...with regards
to the MC assign...please please please come..."
23:20 XST: Whats the point...the msngr seems to be flooded with similar
msgs....
23:25 XST: You decide to deal with the assignment ...with just the 3 of
your grp mates..who decided to turn up...hell with the rest...
23:30 XST: Google.com.... you copy paste...the question as mentioned in
the assign......you do manage to get some results......download some
relevant stuff
23:40 XST: You start copy pasting.....your doc seems to building up... hey
not bad...i think we can finish it off...Hey Hey add the
names...add the names of the grp member..ok done..
23:55 XST: You are pleased with your work..... man time to upload...you
gotta hurry....deadline 11:59 sharp...else the intranet won't accept
it.
23:58 XST: You login to the ..intranet//
23:58 XST: Where do i upload...wheres the damn link.....oh yeah found..
23:58:52 XST: NOTICE ON SOME SCREENS ..... UPLOAD COMPLETE....UPLOADED BY
USER U104082 at time 23:58:52..

0000 XST: Notice on some screens
"DEADLINE HAS EXPIRED" You cannot upload .... please contact the
course instructor...

0001 XST: What the f......... i did upload ...i upload well before the
deadline....you finally come to realise that your system clock is not
synchronized with the server lock.....DAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNN...thats
another 15% lost...

0200 XST: You while away time..... happy at completing the assignment (or
cribbing over failing to upload ....in some cases)....you get a
buzz...
0201 XST: You read the msg "Hey....we got a presentation ...at 9 in the
morning....i forgot all about it......didn't realise it was our grps
turn...so what say ...we do that now???? "

0202 XST: what again.......you are too dumbstruck to even think...you
reply...."ok sure....i'd be in your room in a few mins......inform the
girls as well...make sure everybody's there"


0215 XST: You walk into your frnds room...everybodys there... except for
one
girl...where the hell is ...she...

0220 XST: After some frantic calls to girl2, girl1 says..shes taking the
ximb walk...with.. ..you know who....
You scream....."She better be here...or else...shes thrown out of
the grp"

0230 XST: Girl 2 finally shows up "Sorry yaar...was just discussing
...today‘s quiz with......" yeah whatever...

0345 XST: Presentation..doesn't seem to be making sense....2 of your grp
members have dozed off....
0400 XST: Two members leave.....
0415 XST: the three of you who are left.....finish off....the
presentation....pleased with ur work...at least thats what you think
0430 XTS: Its been a horrid day...time to crash..
0845 XTS: Man ..i gotta dress up for the presentation... man i need to
shave....
0905 XTS: You arrive in class..clean shaven, your clothes are unironed
though....never mind...
0910 XTS: The class is waiting for u to start..with your presentation..oh
you've forgotten the pen drive...well never mind...take it off.. your comp
on the network...damn i forgot to share the folder.....ok ok ...never
mind..you can map your drive....don't worry...oh yeah...i can ......but
it wouldn't access.....DAMN i had turned my comp off..............
...............
..........


and so the saga continues.......

the routine continues....every single day........

( Hats off to the guy who wrote it !! )

Koi bhoola sakta kissi ko bhool jane ke baad ?

Just read a poem which i liked instantly,
so, posting it for you guys to read n breed in joy !!

Koi bhoola sakta kissi ko bhool jane ke baad !
Koi samane aa jaye kissi ko yaad karne ke baad
Kyun chhod diya hamara saath kyaa hum ne galati ki!
Khudaa bhi maaf kar deta hai gunaah hone ke baad

Kyun aate ho hamein yaad kyun tadpate ho mujhe
Aadmi khushh hota nahin har ek khushi milne ke baad!
Mohabbat ke safar mein kitne door chale gaye hein jab hum
Kyun wapis pukarte ho manzil ke qareeb aane ke baad

Aansoo hein kumzor saahara mere jeewon ka
Kyun aate ho pochhne aankhein sookh jane ke baad!
Na manaa karo hamein pyaar karne se tujh ko
Kyun loag baagawat karte hain pyaar karne ke baad !

Kar le deedaar apne mehboob ka ji bhar ke kar!
Koi aata nahin milne qabarr mein jaaney ke baad!
Koi kissi ka haal-e-dil jaan nahin sakta
Murdaa jism hi jaanta hai qabarr mein jane ke baad!

Izzat , zillat , gunaah , sawaab kyaa hai koi baata de !
Na aana chahta koi duniya mein qayamat dekhne ke baad!
Koi bhoola sakta kissi ko bhool jane ke baad!
Koi samane aa jaye kissi ko yaad karne ke baad !

Hum Dono ki Jodi Khoob Jamegi !!

Wrote this poem in naa jaane kaun si mind....
If its enjoyable, then let me know guys !!

Woh gori thhi, main kaala thha
woh bholi thhi, main bhaala thha
dekhne waale sabhi yeh kehtey
hum dono ki jodi khoob jamegi !!

woh thhumak ke chalti, dil mera ghayal hota
maadak bhari aankhon me, behosh mein ho jaata
aankh maarne ki kalaa, na jaane kaha se seekhi
aake mujhpe try jo kiya, mein bhalaa kahaa k rehta?

andaaz thhe uske aise, hazaar diwaane thhe paagal
main bhi ban gaya, unn paagalon me mein bhi ek paagal
choti si bindi, doh kangan aur paaon me choti si paayal
karte rehte thhe hamesha mujhko, bekaar me ghaayal !!

dekhne waale sabhi yeh kehtey
hum dono ki jodi khoob jamegi
aur tabhi mammi ne mujhe jagaa liya
boli, utth jaao, padhai karne baitho
warna papa se jordaar pitaai padegi !!!
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
hum dono ki jodi khoob jamegi
kya khaak jamegi ....??

Expecting my blog to reach out to you, girl !!

 I dont know what's love. Coz I have felt nice things about many girls. But as they have come and gone, likewise my feelings towards them has come and gone too. Fun while they lasted though ! So, I cant say that was Love ! But you, girl, had never come into my life, though were near me for some time as a friend. But, I don't know why, you are always there in the back of my mind, hovering all around. Everyday, whenever I think of girls and matters of love, many things run in my brains, making me excited but uneasy. Someday it is about some girl and the other day, other. But each and every day, when I thought about such things, you and your images keep striking my mind....each and every time...that-your thoughts, makes me calm, happy. Being a boy, I shouldn't feel so, but your thoughts make me feel 'secure'....a feeling as if I am protected, as if nothing can happen to me...I don't know why, but these things keep happening to me. Is it what everybody keeps calling as Love ??

Then yes, girl, I am in love with you, in love with you since long....since I was a kid... !!

P.S.- ( You know who you are ! Don't you ? Just look at the pic in this post !! )

A Secret Revealed !!

I am a football fanatic. Thus, obviously, I always wanted to venture out into Sports Management. This very fact used to piss my dad off. His point was that there's no future in that discipline. This clash of ideas created a huge friction between me and him. I simply couldn't understand what made him so irritated. Why was he so indifferent towards football ? I didn't knew....untill that fateful day when the secret was revealed !!

One evening there was a fixture (match) between Chelsea, my favorite club and Manchester United at Stamford Bridge, the home of Chelsea. I was watching it on TV. Just then my dad came and sat quietly. I didn't realise his presence until he suggested to change the channel to ETV. I pleaded him to let me watch the match as it was a big reason why i had taken a day off from my college and traveled three hours back to my town. So, reluctantly he sat and watch...

I was feeling nice as he, my dad, was watching football...The stadium was blue all over, the colours of Chelsea. Blue seats, blue flags, blue t-shirts, blue banners, everything blue and people were shouting like anything. I pointed that to my father and told him that these men are not useless...some of them are engineers, some teachers and what not !! If these men are so much passionate about football, who am I ? Its pretty  natural if I love football, and football's not a bad game....it develops our physique and helps our overall persona, blah, blah, blah...and became silent waiting for his response...Not getting any response, I continued watching the game...

After 5 minutes or so, he started talking...He revealed that he used to be a big football fanatic and unlike me who only watches it, he used to be a goal-keeper and represented the state team in his school days....but asthama snatched his potential and game away from him...that was one of his regrets, he couldn't become a football player...and then he was silent....

I just was dumbfounded !! I mean...OMG !! My dad was a footballer !! I simply had no words to say...I just looked at him and he smiled...The ice had broken !! He no more discourages me and whenever he has time, we both watch football with the same passion and fervour !! Dad and Son United !!

Sell your Life, or Perish !!

So, I am here at Xavier Institute of Management, Bhubaneswar mugging up concepts of Elasticities of Demand on this 17th day at this institute. Basically, very few study and even fewer study hard and I am certainly not one of them...but I am helpless..!! Tomorrow's the Economics Quiz naa...thats why...

We are being told here that in this Banking and Financial Services industry, a fresher has the highest probability of getting a sales job, typically that of a Sales Manager or Relationship Manager or something like that. Now, that's the job which I dread the most yaar !! I anticipate doing anything but not sales !! Oh no !! save me from it !! Isn't there any job out there which doesn't deal with targets ?? Is there any ?? I ask this question often to Industry persons and they say "yes". But they also add that people grow very fast when in Sales and the least in Operations... So what to do, what not to do?

Yes, in this World, Introverts are respected due to their creative abilities, but are never well paid...And what's the use of creative if  "Money Money Money !! Brighter that Sunshine, Sweeter than Honey !! " doesn't come to your pocket ? No use at all !! So, we have to " Sell Ourselves ". We have to sell or we will perish !!

At present it looks like a very impossible task for me, this choosing of Sales profession...but who knows...there might be a miracle !! When I was a kid, I used to say "Anything, but not Sports !!" and when I grew up, now, Football has turned out to be my Life !! When I was at 12th standard, I said, I will study anything but never Business !! I can simply not do that !! But I did my graduation in Business Adminstration !!

Now I was saying "Anything, but not sales"... Eagerly waiting for the miracle to happen again !! 

But then, the words of Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty echoes in my ears.... "Dont wait for the miracle, Be the Miracle !! "

Handling Career Roughly but with Love !!

So here I am after so many days to share a news. I have decided to take admission in the Xavier Institute of Management, Bhubaneswar for its Post Graduate Program in Banking and Financial Services which is a 1 year certificate residential program. Actually, for me, this appears to be the best course, provided its being offered by one of the best institutes and that I was not ready for an MBA now. So, I think, this course will help me in getting a foothold in the world of finance.

Another big excuse is my 'ego'...Its so big that it wont let me take admission in any 'chalu MBA' program here at Orissa or anywhere else... I would rather opt to stay a graduate for my whole life rather than doing an MBA just for the sake of doing it and getting a PG degree as soon as possible... After all, an MBA is 'once in a life-time degree' for any management student... So it should be done with elan and from a college that satisfies our ego.

Yes, I know, nobody becomes rich-n-famous just like that only. We have to choose a path that's very different and stick with it.... And to satisfy my ego, I also have heard that those who are big entrepreneurs or have done-whatever and became famous, if you will follow their academics and life path, you wont find a degree of constancy and simpleness in it... Life takes test from everyone else...They have failed many times but never gave away their way and finally...they were whom they wanted to be....So, according to me, its wiser to gain experiences and then do an MBA rather then joining as a fresh graduate...what say?

Sowing Apples but Reaping Bananas...

Some days ago, I asked myself a question as of, why some guys do study and work hard but do not get deserving rewards. Today, I think I have got an answer that can satisfy atleast me, if nobody else.

It happens like this....we do a mistake in some other area and God punishes us in some other area...This is the most appropriate answer, according to me offcourse...

I will explain with an example...If Mr. Shyam is a very nice and hardworking person on one hand, but is a very bad person when dealing with people and playing with their lives and inflicting harm on them...then his bad deeds may affect his academic/professional outcomes...

Thus, Mr. Shyam may think that he is sowing apples but reaping bananas....but in the eyes of God...the judgement is fair and correct...Mr. Shyam suffers for his actions....

Thus...people who keep failing inspite of giving their best of efforts....must be a villian in some other walk of life....

A request to them....please change !! there's still time !! God's great and He'll surely take notice....He's punishing you just for your actions which you know well, however much you deny to this world...Please Change !!! It'll be better for you...

This Mind !! Chameleon !!

We all agree that those who make their own philosophies and stand by them all their life, are true "Men". But slowly and gradually, I have realised that though I make my own philosophies about life, I change them often. What appears good today, may appear wrong to me the day-after-tomorrow. I have never hold on to one distinct philosophy all throughout my life. So, am I a coward? Do I never deserve to be called "Able"?

Earlier, I used to say that we should never turn towards violence, should hit somebody even if he has hit us, but now-a-days I think its too hard to stand like a eunuch and do nothing if somebody attacks or say something bad about your family or your love. Is it possible? You got to teach them a lesson...isn't it? Just some weeks ago, I feared to fall into a relationship fearing that some bad 'lusty-expectations' may arise in me, but now, after some days during which my life has turned a little upside down, I am finding it hard not to make her my girl !! I am wishing to kiss her right now and hold her tightly to my body for the rest of my life !! Are these bad expectations? Am I becoming lusty here? I can say, for the time being, I can't ask her to be my girl, as she will laugh at me reminding my earlier decisions...And then....who can say anything about girls and their mentality !! They may speak something while mean exactly opposite !!! Na-re-baba...I can't take that risk !! 

So, what should I do? Why do I keep changing my mentality? Why am I so bad in maintaining relationships? Can I ever make a girl happy? These questions are giving me many sleepless nights. But I do know one thing...God surely has some great plans for me !!

Fleur-de-lis !!!

fleur-de-lis !!! A beautiful flower !! The national flower of the exotic land of France !! In French, it means "The Lily Fower"...  But for me it signifies much more !! In my world, it means the flower and the Lisa. As soft and beautiful as a flower ! As mysterious yet smiling as the Mona-lisa.... Its "my" fleur-de-lis !!! My symbol of the purest form of love....my fleur-de-lis !!!

Work hard, get peanuts?

It is perennially said that hard work often pays up good returns. Those who work hard often are the most successful ones. Similarly, in case of us students, those who study regularly and with dedication always get good marks and also bag nice positions.

But why is it that there are some cases where some guys put in a lot of effort than others but do not get expected results? Isn't 'The Supreme' being a little unfair to them? Why is it that they study a hell lot more than us but still fair badly, while we pass with flying colors? Now it will be a risky thing to say that we, who study in the night just before the day of the exam, are rather lucky than them...coz there is a chance that Watching-from-the-sky-person will hear us and start giving us our real deserving peanut-marks. But still, is it fair for Him to de-motivate those hard-trying guys? Why not give them what they really deserve?

It is a question I am facing from my-Self these days. Is there any answer to it?

Just Another Blogger

And then.... another confused poet decides to join the maze of blogs and posts. Why did he wished so? This is no place to satisfy his carnal instincts, his animal desires...or WAIT.... is it? He thinks, This is 'the' place...So, here he comes, ready with all his 'tools-n-techniques' to share whatever he has in his dirty-n-conspirating mind.